my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
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