I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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