As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs speak an international language.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize