I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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