If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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