Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
