thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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