its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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