so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
