just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
