So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
