We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
