One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
