How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
The dick lei will go down in squad history
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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