We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
