Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
