you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
