I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
