I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
