Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
