I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
