so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
