none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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