just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
