I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
