So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
