I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
