Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
