Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
