Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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