so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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