Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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