Will you blow on my dice?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
