Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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