Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
