U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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