If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
