All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
