in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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