Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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