Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
