It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
