He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
