I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
