It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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