I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
