just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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