I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
