Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
