I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
