Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
