I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
