he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
