whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
