brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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