it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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