what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Randomize
