it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
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you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
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I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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