Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
