I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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