but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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