her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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