The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
