my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
