Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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