I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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