We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
