Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
