His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
